I recently did a review of the #1 New York Times Bestseller, Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates. In my review I discussed how important Coates parents were in helping him survive and thrive beyond his West Baltimore neighborhood – something he thought no one, including him, would do. What Coates did not realize that he had been born with the key element necessary to help him move beyond West Baltimore—parents who loved him and were willing and able to help him succeed.
Like Coates, we all begin life completely dependent on our caregivers. Typically our parents but they can be grandparents, aunts, uncles, even older siblings; They are our first role models – the people we learn from often by example more than explanation—and those lessons shape who we become. When I realized this I said to my wife that being a parent is, in some ways, frightening to me. When she asked why, I said,
“Because the kids don’t miss anything. They listen to what you say and watch what you do even when you don’t know they’re doing it. Then, one day, they say something or do something to let you know how much you’ve influenced them.”
My wife’s give me some excellent advice, “Be the person you want your children to be all the time.” Like most things worth doing, this is excellent advice is more easily said than done but still excellent advice.
Being the person you want your children to be is especially important for today’s youth. We are fed a steady diet by the media of the ills of black families but the media doesn’t give nearly enough credit to the black families like Ta-Nehisi Coates’ who are guiding and inspiring their children to achieve and succeed the way Coates did.
They exist, they are legion. As a university professor at an historically black university, I know this, I see these success stories every semester. They are first generation college students whose families and friends have sacrificed and invested in them because they love them. They don’t want anything from these precious children—just for them to be successful. They inspire me to mentor and assist these students whenever they need it. I know the students are standing on the strong shoulders of so many people who love them and are willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to help them. Because of that, I do everything I can to support the students, and the parents, in their determination to succeed.